today is my birthday and all i can think about is dedra. dedra didn’t live to experience 37 or 38. dedra lived 36 years 5 months 1 week and 1 day. in fact, dedra will have been gone for exactly 11 years on september 2. friday. hmm she died on a friday.
i’d recently moved to NYC, august 27, my grandmother’s birthday, and had no place to live. dedra called the housing office, pulled a dedra, and in less than 24 hours i had a place to live. she’d talked about having cosmetic surgery done, but as usual, i really didn’t take it seriously. i figured “yeah she’s talking as usual…k, i’ll entertain it.” but nah, this time she was for real. she was so real that she was making arrangements for drop off and pick up and coordinating babysitters for tiffani and trey.
it didn’t truly sink in that she was having these procedures until that friday morning of september 2…she called me at like 6am to tell me she had made it to the outpatient center. we talked briefly, as i was still sleepy but i do remember she told she loved me…and that was the last time i heard dedra’s voice. later that day i took a chinese placement test because i wanted to continue my chinese studies. when the test was over i looked at my phone and had over 10 missed calls. it turned out her recovery didn’t go as well as expected. when i returned from her memorial services she shipped two ginormous boxes to me with goodies and birthday cards; i still have the cards and some of those goodies.
i still have my reservations about cosmetic surgery…my convictions are a bit strong however i’d never discourage anyone from doing what they think is best for their bodies. do i support it? does it matter if i support it?
anyway. i wonder what she’d be up to if she were still around: remarried? would she have moved to boston? hell, would i even be in boston? i think if dedra had it her way probably not… she probably would’ve figured out some way to get me a townhome or condo so she could come crash whenever she wanted. or then again, maybe i would have done my own thing and she would’ve supported me, like how she did when i moved to nyc.
i found a letter from her while she was away…it’s comforting knowing that she mentioned that she was proud of me…yeah. 😀 so yeah, although it is my birthday i celebrate my sister.